look no pants
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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