How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
