Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize