Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
