turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
