Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
