Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
