I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
