I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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