just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
