32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
