Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
