how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
