if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
