Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
