its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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