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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers

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• (818): View more from California

  I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving

  (1-818): View more from California

  At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.

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• (619): View more from California

  I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left

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• (470): View more from Georgia

  you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid

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