onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
