Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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