More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
