guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
