Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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