He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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