you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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