Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
