i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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