Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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