Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
