i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He passed out mid-signature
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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