Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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