WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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