I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
