I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
