it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize