he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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