hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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