Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
