the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
