I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
