i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
