Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
