am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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