There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
