drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
