you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
