she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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