worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
