look no pants
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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