some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
