if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's not a walk of shame if you run
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
