It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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