i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She needs sedatives and a leash
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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