So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize