Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
