I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
