I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
