I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
